A Factory Girl Chorus

hes painting a picture…a beautiful picture

hes making a way

Okay…so thanksgiving? mmmmm What can I say? Parade…food…family. It’s all good.

so yay! Lindy came today. We went to Hot Dog World then we talked for awhile at home..she was into the closet Then we watched Laguna Beach…And we missed the last two in the marathon because we had to take her back to her grandparents. Man! They live far out there… and I get carsick. No good. But I love them and their house. Memories. And I’ve only been there like 3 times? Makes me sad that they’re sellign their house. But, it makes sense. O well.

So yeah…I got my room all clean this morning. I read the Alchemist while I waited for Lindy…O man. I like it a lot. I don’t want to read it all at once so that it lasts for awhile. Though, I did read a bit past the requirement, not much.

My mom’s so cute. Sitting at the table crafting. I think shes making those little hot chocolate packets. The table is all pretty and she’s sitting there in her flannel nightgown just working away. I love it.

We went shopping Friday. It was good. I got my mom a purse that she picked out for Christmas. I’d rather get her what she wants than something she might like. I also got Lauren H’s Christmas present…really cute.

Charlotte Russe finaly opened! Makes me happy. We saw Samantha and Bobbi at the mall. We are getting a Carrabas in Hendersonville! Wahoo….We went there for lunch and the nice manager dude came around talking to everybody. My mom said we-want-one-in-Hendersonville. He said we’re getting one off Old Airprt Rd. and it’s gonna be across from the new Target. WEEE! I love Carrabas. So anyhow, if you have not seen the movie Man on Fire, don’t watch it. Made me all depressed and sad and I boohooed. And not “a good cry” it was painful. So…I just broke out the old Puddleglum and it’s so good. I can’t focus because I want to listen to it.

Adios

Melana

this is my december/ this is my time of the year

would it be so bad?

Friends are good.

I was playing backgammon and I knew I was gonna lose but it would take forever so I quit. Sorry to my dear German Intermediate opponent.

I love headphones. I love shutting things out. I never do it anymore and I think I just forgot how much I liked being disconnected to my name being yelled from the other run and stories about work and cartoons(yawn.) I don’t care if it’s selfish, it’s only once and a while. I read the introduction of the Alchemist. This guy is too smart. And he has it down to such a science. It’s not like he’s smart in that he can figure things out. He’s smart in that he’s figured out AND he can put into words AND everyone can understand those words AND it makes an impact on people (well, me anyway). And all I’m talkngi about is the intro. Woohoo. I’m reading that for a class:)

It was labor day weekend…I was seventeen.

It’s wierd to listen to songs that they talk about being “young”, a young that’s older than me. I guess I won’t really understand those songs for awhile.But, I don’t really understand love songs or dating songs or being in love young either. And won’t. I don’t want to. There’s a lot of things that are “posistive” to pretty much everyone in songs that I don’t think are. Things I don’t want to even experience none the less sing about. I don’t know how to say what I’m thinking in a broad way so I’m going to state it specifically. People sing about “first loves” and “first kisses” and even *shudders* “first times”(yes as in SEX) like it’s something we all go through and a natural thing to go through people and date and fall in love more than once. I want to fall in love with one person. Ever. I want to make out with one person. Ever. I want to go out on real dates with one person. Ever. I want to have sex with only one person. Ever. And I don’t like the idea of minimalizing the idea of love by being nostalgic about it in a song. It’s not something that you have and let go of and smile about it later. You are made for one other person to be in love with. Not two!(or three or four or five….) Think about this: everyone debates on when to have sex when to kiss (first date…second date…) You’re married! You have sex on the first date. You don’t have to make all these anxiety-filled decisions. Wait for the right person to marry and everything else happens.

That made me think of something I heard that I thought was just so stupid that has also come to be somewhat acceptable. “I’m open with my sexuality…” or even better “I’m just a naturally sexual person.” Used as excuses to sleep around or act slutty these are the most invalid things I’ve heard that many people accept and have started to use. Naturally sexual? WE ALL ARE. It’s part of what makes us alive…like the scientific definiton of life includes reproduction. We all are sexual. I’m open with it, pft….so am I. I think about sex….I want to have sex. But does that mean I want to have sex now? With every “hot” or “available” guy I come across. No. This singer that just came out( I don’t know her name) said she’s been open with her sexuality since she was a little kid so it was nothing new to her to get criticism about it. AS A LITTLE KID?! HELLO?! We don’t even have hormones as little kids….like prepubescebnt sex drive? That’s stupid…also scary. That someone could actually think that justifies being basically a whore. Gross. Scary that anyone else who heard her say that didn’t think it was idiotic.

I’m tired of talking about sex. Although I do have one more sillier thought about it. If it’s even a smidgen better than peeing when you like realllly have to go….it will be the best physical thing ever. Cause right now, the pee thing is…other than singing.

Okay. Done with all that talk. TOMORROW IS THANKSGIVING!!!food….food…food…

Robert was at school today…I don’t know for how long….he just peeped in on Civics to say hello to Mrs. Youngblood… but that made me happy enough. Man, I’m listening to a song that I am really feeling…not like “i like it” but I feel the lyrics.

I’ve been waiting all my life to know you/ all about you/…./I’m all about you/….

Take me away/ take me far away from here/ I will run to you…

I changed the words and took them out of context to make it mean what I want it to. Which isn’t okay. But, the general message is the same. Kind of. Except I made it not another person. The take me away part is what I really ahem feel. And another thing….Gees melana.

But isn’t that what a blog is? rambling…to anyone that cares to listen. (or admire my fabulous writing skills….lol)OH! that reminds me…I’d like to put a poem of mine on here. I like my poetry. And another thing….

pain engulfs every heart/ every mind and soul/ no one is always happy/ or always in control/ we need simply to believe/ that’s all it has to take/ but more grief than we’re given/ for ourselves we make/ if we could learn surrender/ learn to trust and to obey/ we would find peace/ found no other way/ I pray for this trust/ to be planted in my heart/ to make my life different/ to have a brand new start/ who says that we have grown enough?/ and now we can just stop?/ I’ll always move forward/ climbing towards the top/ we should never give/ less than ALL our best/ or not completely answer questions/ since we think we’ve passsed the test/ do not be complacent/ do not fail to bloom/ do not get too comfortable/ for that ensures your doom

I like that one.

Adios mis amigos.

Melana

P.S. Go listen to Keaton Simons…it’s under the music section…the song Currently.

http://www.maverick.com/keatonsimons/ 

it is BEAUTIFUL….

I’ve been waiting a long time….for this moment to come.

and I CAN’T turn my back….it’s too late.

Hello.

You know how when you listen to music so intently you can’t focus on much else? Even if you don’t like the song that much….well that feeling=me. I broke out the good ole green day and now I can barely type. But, I want to write a good entry that someone would enjoy reading like I enjoy Kendall Payne’s and Carly’s and Megan Slankard’s(she is the best journal writer like ever- I would LOVE to read her diary). I’m in the mood to write though. Like english assignment….that sounds silly and not how I meant it. I want to write something so here goes journaling:

Mr.Moore asked us to write about 3 goals in ONE class period. Now, maybe I think too hard too often, but that was certainly not enough time. I couldn’t even decide what I’d really like to write about in that short amount of time, none the less write a decent three paragraphs. Some things are hard to put into words and even harder to put on paper. So I’ll brainstorm here and start a new three paragraph goals. Just for me. I’m going to just list whatever comes to mind and then narrow from ther…o screw it…i don’t have to explain my brainstorming.

listen for and hear God’d voice…read my bible more often, pray more often(especially for other people instead of myself so much),eat healthier(like MUCH healthier), watch SuperSize Me, read less magazines=DO MORE, learn my list, memorize scripture, excercise WAY more, love more, go to church(even when i dont feel like it), make more real friends, get together with friends more, have more parties(my version of party is like <10 people that i can really talk to and like all the fun planned out stuff you read about in ?guess where? MAGAZINES), keep laying out my clothes and making my lunch the night before(SO MUCH EASIER), be more organized at school, get all A’s (math bedamned),get a job(eehhhh or make money without one!),have one of those things called a routine at night so i can get to sleep better(except on mondays-i like cannot live without everwood….i gave up one tree hill and gilmore girls…i guess that wasnt so hard tho…now i need to work on hating OC) I should just stick to Disney Channel, atleast their cheesiness is innocent…Phil of  the Future and Lizzie(although that Etahn guy DRIVES ME INSANE!)…I’ll stick to those. Talk to everyone I “talk” to online the same way in person.

Okay I’m tired of brainstorming…I’m listening to Sanctus real

O crap! IM MISSING EVERWOOD goodbye 

Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them not too.
Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.
You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you do mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget”

that was on laurens profile and i, ahem, loved it so much i decided to post it….since it wont fit on my profile with susan tedeschi

I want to feel, feel the love the music brings/ I want to be at peace with life and all living things/ I know what’s in my heart, and my soul tells me to sing/ I’m gonna be thankful for this feeling the music brings

Now I never though selfishness could take such a hold/ And I never realized how we could be one and still all alone/ I’m gonna get myself up, and I’m gonna get up and sing/ I’m gonna be thankful for this feeling the music brings

I’m so thankful, I’ve heard a voice deep inside/ Singing Hallelujah, let the music be your guide

Now I never thought that I could feel a sadness that could bring me so down/ And I never thought that there’d be a time when my heart had no song/ I’m gonna get myself up, and I’m gonna get up and sing/ I’m gonna be thankful for this feeling the music brings

I’m so grateful, I heard a voice deep inside/ Singing Hallelujah, there’s no more need to cry!

So I’m gonna pick myself up, up off the ground/ I’m gonna get up and sing, I’m gonna sing a joyous song/ And I’m gonna say Hallelujah, for this love I feel inside/ I’m gonna say hallelujah let the music be your guide

Thats by Susan Tedeschi

Thank you Jesus….for the feeling the music brings

OPEN MY EYES!!!

Okay…so you’re name has E,L,E AND A in it? Is that right? Do you go to my school? Are you a boy or a girl? Please answer the first question and atleast one of the other two! Then I will figure it out. Fo Sho dirty.And what do you mean by wierd things….I don’t know. That threw me off. oh…and do you go to my school?

Okay…onto my blog. I really don’t have much to say about today. It was a bunch of people’s birthdays…Charlie, Michael, my grandpa (who’s ahem, not alive) and someone else but I can’t remember. Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday. He is gonna be 51, I think that’s old.

O! I’m reading a uber good book called Good Grief. I found the latest issue of SELF on the free magazine rack at the library today. Makes me happy. There was something else that made me happy today, I can’t remember what it was….it was in biology……OH! perro caliente. Lol. That made me laugh. A lot. We were a laughy lab table today.

I’m going to the movies this weekend with my dad and brother. Anthony and I have decided that we are never going to the 4 seasons again…we’re getting a new theater somewhat soon anyway and Asheville is not that far. I think my dad wants to see Friday Night Lights…. I want to see that too. But, Alexander is also out. Plus, a hundred other movies I want to see that my dad would never want to.

Let’s see…I made my bed this morning! Go me! ( i know you love that carly). Gina read my blog. That makes me happy.

Kiss the lips pf love forgotten and fly where no others have soared

we’re the kings of it all the day we were born.

I was listening to that and HAD to type it when the part came up. It’s like uuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhh so good. sigh.

I do not like my person anymore :). Which is good, but the reason is bad I think because I don’t even want to be his friend now. He is gross. Muy sucia. And it deserves much more than a bleck. I’m going to have a hard time being nice to him now. It’s weird how one action can  sort of pull all the others ones together and literally make your feelings turn off and new,hateful ones turn on. It’s not like this one thing makes me dislike him, it just sort of sets the gasoline that he’s been heavily pouring ablaze. Well, atleast it’s the end of one bad thing.

I LOVE carly, gina, jaime, and tucker. AND NOBODY IMPORTANT! I love you….unless you are one of those people. If that’s the case…it’s over. Lol.

adios amigos

Um…I’ve probably got a lot of things to say. Update and what not. But, I’ve got Gina on the brain. I’ve been reading her livejournal.

Wow.

I really am going to update this now. I had to say that without really saying it though. ARGH.

Okay…today was a good day. I wrote down all of my homework in my agenda. I did ALL of my homework. Yes, I have nothing to do in the morning, or before class. I EVEN did my biology which isn’t due until FRIDAY. woo hoo. I also made my bed and cleaned my room in the morning BEFORE I went to school. I did my chores before my homework. And did not stop to eat or watch TV until I was finished. O, how fabulously unstressful that was. WEEEEEE:)

I like smaller font much better. Much. I need to put song lyrics here because this song is so good I can’t focus on anything else:

From underneath I wanted you

to see the first thing that I’ve ever poured my heart into

You’ll never know the pain that I’ve been through

I’m not so sure you’ll ever know

and so I’ll make you understand these words that fill my life

were not from you but from my father’s hand

do you remember? that cold day in december?

leaving everything you knew behind….

From underneath I promise to

erase the past and let my heart forgive the former you

replace the dark of old and start brand new

……..

i’m reaching out to take my

FATHER’S HAND

sob.

Hello!

NOBODY IMPORTANT!!!This is for you. Please give me your blog website or email address or something. PLEEEEEEEAASSSSSEEE! Ok, now that that’s off my chest. Ahem. Sarah is here,*reading over my shoulder, well not really over it, next to it, Sarah is here*reading next to my shoulder. HA. No that really wasn’t funny or witty.

If you don’t look, I’ll force you to………….WAAAHHHH(I bet you’re wondering what I’m listening to.) Um, I have to go eat now. Off to Hannah’s(the best place EVER.) I know this is a really crappy,uniformative entry. SO, I will update this again whenever I have the time. Yes.

Adios

Melana?